Music - My philosophy

So tomorrow is contest for my choirs.  Usually this is in March for me but that date didn't work out this year.  We are going out of district this year to Bowling Green.  I'm anxious because I've never been to this district for contest.  It is definitely out of my comfort zone.  I'm not anxious about our performance.  I'm anxious about not knowing where I'm going and not knowing anyone.

Our contest is more of a festival.  We receive judges comments and ratings.  Distinguished, Proficient and so on.  This year the scores aren't that important to me.  I'm not on my A game this year.  I'm really trying to recover this year from last year.  And I don't think I'm a good contest teacher.  It really goes against my teaching philosophy.

I'm not a strong technical teacher.  Every choir teacher in my district is better than me.  Probably every one in the state.  And I'm not saying that to pull compliments.  It's not my strength.  My strength is musicality.  I know how to pull tone out of kids and shape musical phrases.  I'm good at making music come to life in a kids heart and having them pour it out.  So that is what I focus on.  I do a lot of music.  More than most.  Some folks really focus on technique and do less music.  Their choirs are wonderful.  I know technique, don't get me wrong.  And I do teach technical aspects of music.  But I focus more on the style.  I also enjoy doing a lot of different music.  I love exposing my students to all different types of music.  I love how much music they perform.  It's not right or wrong.  It's just a style of teaching.

However, this does not fit into contest.  Contest is prepared music to be judged but it is also sight reading. I'm terrible at sight reading.  I have studied different ways of teaching it.  I have even tried a few times.  I'm think I was good at teaching it to 7th and 8th graders, one line sight reading.  I'm terrible at high school.  Plus, I just haven't put the time into it.  This year I decided to do more music and not even touch sight reading.  It was my call and I will take the blame for it.  I'm really proud of the work we have done on our prepared pieces.  And I'll be very proud of the concert we put out there next Thursday.  My kids will be singing 3 additional songs added to the 2 contest pieces.  This was my choice this year.  So I told the kids that what happened in the sight reading room was on me and not them.  I hope that they aren't too disappointed in me.  I hope they don't feel cheated that I didn't prepare them for sight reading.  I hope they are happy that they learned so much music.  I hope they feel the music in their soul and don't wish they had another teacher.

I told all my groups that the goal for me tomorrow was for them to have an incredible music experience.  A day full of musical moments.  And that if they did their very best and gave it their all then they would have an incredible music experience.  And then the judges would as well.  They have worked so hard for this.  I want them to remember singing these wonderful songs on a beautiful stage.

That is my teaching philosophy.  Embrace each moment you can make music.  Put your heart and soul into each note and make a memory.

Music - Mozart

Last night I was able to attend a performance of the Mozart Requiem.  I was so happy that some of my students were able to go with me.  We were in the beautiful St. Joseph and Paul church.  There is no way that words can describe what it was like to watch my students respond to this incredible music.  I sat in a row with five girls that came from five different ways of life.  Each one of them were touched by this beauty.  I watched a young lady who barely spoke two words when I first met her that has grown into an outstanding musician.  Tears rolled down her face during the Lacrymosa.  She told me afterwords that she imagined that is what heaven will be like!  Another young lady who has lived a life that most adults couldn't handle, who I have watched music soften her heart and open her soul, wiped tears from her eyes during the powerful first movement.  The young lady next to me held my hand while I cried tears of joy.  I told them they had to keep singing the rest of their lives.  Their response was how could we not?  This is why I teach.  Not contest scores, or test scores or approval of others.  I teach to see that moment when music changes a life.

Love - Children

This week has been a really special time with my children.  For a few years in my life I was not healthy enough to enjoy the time I needed to with them.  I couldn't relax into a moment and savor it.  I am by new means healthy and whole but I am in a much better place.

My son is growing up so fast I can't keep up with him.  He's in that in between stage of childhood and teenager world.  He has a beautiful heart and is such a generous soul.  He loves people so much.  And he is a wonderful big brother.  He has his father's calm spirit and sense of humor(ugh).  :)  He has my love of music and performing and need for hugs and closeness.  He sings constantly! He has my stubborn need to always be right.  LOL!  He loves to read like me and watch documentaries like his dad.  He has my hair but is tall like his dad.  I will treasure each moment I can snuggle or spend time with him.

My daughter is still a little girl.  I'm so glad I didn't miss it all.  She loves stuffed animals and build a bear. She wants to be held and carried.  She believes we are the smartest people in the world...lol.  She holds my hand and plays with dolls.  I know it's all going to change too quickly.  She loves to give to people.  She is always sharing whatever she has or taking popsicles outside to her friends.  She has her daddy's hair but I think everything else is me...poor girl.  She is feisty with a quick temper.  But she has a huge capacity to love and a big personality.  She makes shows in her room just like I did as a little girl.  She will always take an opportunity to get attention.  Oh I know one thing she gets from her dad.  She walks away from confrontation.  I'm glad she got that!  I want to have every moment of this little girl time as possible.

The soul is healed by being with children - English Proverb

Music - emotions

I used to teach this section in general music about how music changes the mood of a movie or tv show instantly.  I remember my little girl being 2 years old and running onto my lap because the music was getting scary and she said she knew that meant something bad was going to happen.

In our traveling we use music for all sorts of reasons.  When Wade is tired we turn on the 80's station on satellite and all sing over dramatically to something like"Total Eclipse of the Heart".  When the kids are a bit too hyper I will turn on my ipod to Avalon's "Adonai" or Polar Express "When Christmas Comes to Town" or Ben Folds "The Luckiest"  These are the songs that have worked this trip.  It's been fun to experiment with these traveling songs to change the mood.

I have a feeling that a lot of blog entries about music will include songs that I use for different emotional states!


Adonai by Avalon
http://youtu.be/iRRUH3g_268



If a composer could say what he had to say in words he would not bother trying to say it in music - Gustav Mahler

Love - Vacation

My life is hectic.  That's my understatement for the day:)  I often wish that I was a mom that stayed at home more.  Being a high school choir teacher means my work hours are crazy.  My children are often at school late with me at rehearsals and concerts.  There is a lot of guilt in my life that I am not the mom I imagined I would be.  I always thought I would be the stay at home mom with the clean house and the home cooked meals.  That's a whole other therapy session though.  LOL

Our family is on a very strict budget, Dave Ramsey style!  We live a very frugal life working on paying down our debt and working to be in a better place financially.  We do have one part of life that we splurge and that is our vacation and travel time.  Actually it's not a huge splurge because we do have a budget for that too!  But we travel a lot.  5-7 times a year is our usual.  We bought resale timeshare about 5 years ago and it was one of the best decisions of our life.  We pay a maintenance fee yearly but do not pay for hotels when we travel.  I wash clothes in the condo and cook meals.  We have resorts that are amazing!  This time I spend with my family is priceless.  It gives me time to completely focus on my children.  They have become very close siblings because of it.  I feel like we have a much closer bond.  Yes, I know that the money I spend on vacation could go towards that debt payoff.  However, I feel like it's an important investment in my family.  My kids may not remember when their house was clean but they will remember that surprise trip to Disney on their 5th and 10th birthday.  They will remember making up funny songs in the car to survive a 10 hour drive.  They will remember trying to paddle a canoe away from the rock or cheering each other on for that last bit of peddling in the paddle boats.  They will remember catching fish and all climbing in bed to watch a star wars movie.  And hopefully the love they feel will cause them to create these memories with their families.

We wander for distraction, but we travel for fulfillment.  ~Hilaire Belloc

Life - Anxiety

I have an anxiety disorder.  It's not a secret.  I'm pretty upfront about this although not specific of my complete diagnosis.  It has made life difficult.  I wish I had been diagnosed years ago because I spent years unhappy.  Since getting help a few years ago my life is so much better.  I have even been able to help others.  But there are definitely some things I still need help with in my anxiety.  I want to be the kind of mom that doesn't get upset or thrown by things.  For example, getting ready for vacation.  I feel so much pressure to get everything ready and packed without forgetting anything.  Then I feel the need to have the house as clean as possible before I leave.  I also feel this tremendous amount of pressure to leave at a set time.  I feel like I've messed the whole trip up if we leave later.  Once we are on the road I'm fine.  We love all being in the car together.  But my biggest anxiety is getting lost.  The GPS has been a huge help with that.  However on this trip a big bunch of detours messed even the GPS up.  We were turned around in a very uncomfortable part of St. Louis going in circles for about 30 minutes.  The type of mom I wanted to be was the one that just laughed and called it an adventure.  But I wasn't that mom.  I got stressed and cried and angry and well you get the idea.  Of course being tired was no help whatsoever.  I have to remember life is not a sprint but a marathon.  I just want to be all whole and healed now.  And I just want to not screw my children up permanently.

Cast all your anxiety on Him for He cares for you.  1 Peter 5:7

Life - constant battles

So 2 years ago I lost over 60 pounds.  It was a lot of work but very rewarding.  At that time I was in wonderful physical shape.  It was also at that time when I was in the worst emotional shape of my life.  I finally fell completely apart and am still working back toward recovery.  While getting in better emotional shape the physical work took a backseat.  So as of today I have gained 30 pounds back and am definitely out of shape again.  It's hard for me to not be upset with myself.  I should be happy with the fact that I am becoming a healthier emotional person.  But the human side of me is so wrapped up in the physical.  I have always had issues, like most women, with self concept.  I feel like I can't be attractive if I'm not thin. Now I would easily be able to tell any of my friends and students that it is simply not true for them.  And believe it.  But I can't do the same for me.  I'm not in a place in my life where I have the time or strength or money to set out on a huge health change.  I must keep focusing on my emotional health.  So I will battle with finding a way to accept and embrace the way I look while working on how I feel.

                  "Finish each day and be done with it.  you have done what you could.  Learn from it; tomorrow is a new day."    - Ralph Waldo Emerson